Transitions

I’m assuming you already know that I left Adamson University and transferred to TIP-MNL. I haven’t really said anything in detail about that experience and how I feel in the blog due to my intense feeling of anxiety aka omg what will they think of me now. It has already been a year and I can fairly say I have moved on and I gratefully owe it to the people who welcomed me with wide arms at TIP. And although what I feel now is the same old feeling of “slightly terrified and quite anxious” FOR a different reason, I wanted to remind myself of that silver lining I bask onto when all I ever felt was gloom. I have decided to post this draft from a year ago- when the wound was still fresh and deep- which I can say is quite timely for all the issues I have now. I really do hope that you get something from here or if not, well then I at least hope you enjoyed reading through da mizery of a chem eng stud.

03/05/2016.

“I will be leaving Adamson U.

It’s rough and though I know it may have been a consquence of my permissiveness toward my undiscplined-almost-laid-back attitude, I still hold on to what I believe: that a Higher being, despite being silent (as it seems) at times like this, is at work for my own good. I remember the conversation I had once with a friend. We were both Sophomores that year when I made a remark about “destiny” or something similar to that.

Non-Verbatim:

Me: Oo nga ‘no? Ang galing ni Lord kasi kung hindi Niya ako sa Adamson dinala, mga ibang tao(referring to non-Christian) siguro makakasama ko. *Parang what I meant was destined ako sa Adamson mapunta kasi doon may mga kapatid ako in faith na makikilala,*

and then he said,

“Hindi rin siguro. Malay mo kung dun sa ibang lugar, mas better pa pala doon. Pero kasi binibigay pa rin Niya yung choice sa atin at sa bawat choice na ‘yun, whatever and however it may be- a Yes or a No- ang laging sasalo ay ‘yung goodness ni Lord. Parang isang malaking branch na tuloy-tuloy.”

It was my choice to be in Adamson, and it was God’s goodness na nakilala ko ‘yung mga taong bumuo sa paghubog sa kung sino ako ngayon. It was because of my carelessness that today I cannot anymore continue my journey in Adamson, but it will be because of God’s goodness that I will learn from this failure and eventually outgrow from it. His unfailing love will be my shield from all the guilt, regret, and self-hatred that keeps banging in my heart. He will be my joy and hope. I don’t know what the future has in store for me heck I don’t know where to start from here, but for now, the knowledge that He is good and that He loves me is enough.”

 

Dear heart, please choose to see.

-p.m

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