It’s been quite a while since I last posted something here. And the reason for that I cannot tell because the stories that I have are not at all worth telling. Well, at least for now. I feel empty and dry and I can’t quite figure out how to put into words and arrange into paragraphs the marvels of this wandering heart. I’m not quite sure where it all started, all I know is somewhere along the way, I have wronged, I have failed and all at once I just decided to not care at all. And it was a downward spiral right then. Confusion, doubt, fear, anxiety, and depression are suffocating me every time.
I closed my eyes and start to caress those old thin lines of scar on my left wrist. You’ve been through it before. Like a mantra, those five words, I kept on screaming in my head. I want myself to believe it. I have to believe it. Why can’t you believe it?!
I lied. I know where it all started- where all the walls came stumbling down. I know when did I let my guards down. Sweet heavens, I know it all. I know where I went wrong- I let the foxes in. I let them destroy the garden of my soul. I am beginning to see how they slowly destroy me. I’m reaping the whirlwind from the wind that I have sown.