There are days where I feel really confident and tenacious about my beliefs–things I stand for–and myself, then there are days like today, where I feel like a slinky spring falling for anything. And as I’m typing these, I feel like a total
hypocrite. I mean, who am I, really, to give a talk about faith, hope, and love when even I, myself, seem to stagger with it? And why am I even expecting that people are going to believe what I’m saying when all they see in me is otherwise?
Most often than not, guilt is what I feel when I’m being too melodramatic about my life. Times like, when I’m sad and hugging sadness is what actually would make me feel better (Ya feel?). And I thought, more than this “you-have-to-appear-okay-everyday-before-anyone” thing is making me look like I’m the queen at handling circumstances, it is actually slowly becoming a negative approach to afflictions. A mask you wear everyday–lying to people and ultimately to yourself. Do I really have to always appear okay to other people? Am I not allowed to feel upset and mad?
Regardless of what role you play in this world–a student, a son, a mom, a dad, a teacher, a doctor, a pastor–you are not excused to anguish. Even the man whom you think has the strongest mental condition isn’t. And that’s okay. If you feel like screaming out of frustration or anger, then scream. If you feel like crying, then cry. If you feel like staring out into the far sky just because it’s so movie-like and it adds more drama in that moment, then go–if that will make you feel better somehow. There’s nothing wrong with letting people see your weaknesses because sometimes, once we let our guards down, that’s when we find our strength.
Yet again, I feel like a hypocrite for telling this to you. Hahaha idk, maybe I’m addressing myself on this one…or on my every blog…the world will never know