I just realized something.
See I’m the type of person who dont talk much about what’s going on inside her and what she feels. Like, whenever I attempt to tell anyone, I stutter and I end up saying, “Nevermind.”. What I often do is I mask it up; I keep it hidden and unnoticeable for as long as I could. I don’t like my feelings and problems being discussed. It makes me nauseous.
But I don’t think that’s just it.
I don’t really hate my feelings to be talked about, I actually would love to because I’m sure as heck that would make the situation 10x better. The problem is I’m scared. I’m scared that if I let anyone know the real deal inside me, they’re going to misunderstand me and then judge me in the latter. They’re going to give me the death stare. They might even think I’m being immature and a self-centered bitch. And I don’t want that to happen. Maybe that’s the reason why I find it really hard to express my feelings and thoughts. I don’t want them to misjudge me.
And that’s what I just realized. I know, it’s sad and frustrating. I hope I get over with this phase and learn to trust the people around me–certain people whom I know I could count on on this–because not telling anyone how you really feel would 11/10 make you a one crazy-ass-being.